I walked up to the Ft. Lauderdale beach in my shorts and tank top over my swimsuit. I saw a mom that clearly goes to the gym a lot and had an absolute rocking body and immediately I said to myself “well there goes any chance that I’m taking off my shirt!”
So I put my stuff down and spread out my towel and laid down. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wished I had her body so I could confidently be at the beach like that woman.
I started looking around and it was pretty apparent: people that weigh more generally wear more clothes at a beach.
Then I started wishing that the group of bigger girls would love themselves enough to wear a bikini. I didn’t realize that I was really hoping for something for them without even remembering that I am in the same boat!
Who cares if someone down the beach sees that you have love handles? That same person could also think you’re an alien or that your hair color isn’t their favorite. My point is, WHO FUCKING CARES and why does it affect you?!
I’ve struggled with my body image my entire life. I remember a girl in my dance class walked up to me and asked if I weighed over 100 pounds (she obviously didn’t… I obviously did) when I was 8 and a girl on my cheerleading squad bullied me by ordering a shirt way too big for me and then saying she just assumed my size. I’ve had a mindset problem building up ever since I knew what “weight” was.
My worth was always dependent on my size. I lost a lot of weight my junior year in college and my brothers classmates started hitting on me and didn’t even recognize me. I loved the attention and it put me on a downward spiral of bad decisions and hooking up with people just to feed my ego.
I’ve gained 50 pounds in the last 6 years and I would love to get them off my body, but I actually WANT to work for it. I’m ready to dedicate myself to myself.
But for now, let me first take off my shirt. I’m gonna sit at this beach in my bikini and enjoy my day and be grateful that I am alive and a born dreamer.